Frienemies. Yes, I have one. I probably have several, but I am consciously aware of one. And that one hurt me deeply.

I thought this person was my friend, my encourager,  my ride or die, my cheerleader. I thought they would defend me. And then I was vulnerable and shared something deeply personal about events that were happening in my life. Her response was painfully unexpected. I left her home like a wounded warrior, in shock. I wondered what the hell just happened? I knew then that our friendship was forever changed. And it’s never been the same since. Yet I still hung on, hoping that we’d get back on track or somehow we’d be redeemed.

There were days when I thought we were headed back to rainbows and sunshine. But that was just a valiant attempt at the deep-rooted connection we no longer shared. I was sad about it, I still am. Fast forward 3 years later and it’s actually uncomfortable and so awkward when we do attempt to connect.

I realize that frienemy is quite harsh. Perhaps we grew apart. Certainly that could be it, but I doubt it. One or both of us have changed. I am a forgiving person and she isn’t or she doesn’t appear to be. Somewhere along the road, she became better than anyone else. Her reading this post will certainly not forge a new bond.

I’ve not had a friend I was that close to treating me this way. I suppose that makes me blessed. I am of the age where I want no drama, and I need people that love and enjoy me and want to be around me. So, I lost a friend and it hurt. But I am still here, moving on.

The process of looking for a job is a job itself. During that process, my emotional state has gone from being excited about a potential lead for a job to being depressed because of no callbacks. Complete and continuous re-writes of my resumes and writing way too many cover letters.

Let me share with you how funny life can be- we know who’s in charge, don’t we?  When I was literally days away from retiring from my previous employment, I met Monica Worrell.  She was at the time a new employee coming into the I.T. department to pick up her newly assigned cell phone, laptop etc.

I wasn’t assisting her and I didn’t know her.  While there, we were introduced by my colleague and she asked me what are you going to do when you retire. I laughed and said as little as possible. And then in all seriousness, I said I don’t know. I planned to write, I planned to travel initially, I planned to look for a job that interests me.  I said I just need something that is rewarding and offers health insurance. She looked at me and said well when she graduated college in her later adult years, she wasn’t sure either as to what she was going to do. She said she went to the Susquehanna Workforce Center and learned about assessment tests you could take to determine your strengths and interests. She took the tests and learned she was a service-driven person. She went onto later serve on the Havre de Grace council and later on the Susquehanna Workforce Center board of directors. I told her I have never heard of SWN but I’d check it out.

I went back to my desk, looked up the site and was amazed at the tons of information and resources available. I took the assessments and learned I am a mentor/planner. That wasn’t very surprising. As for careers, it said I’d be a great hat-check girl. I laughed but continued to scour the website for more information. Monica had told me that SWN will also give resume help and I desperately needed help. It had been nearly 15 years since I had updated my resume and the format had changed over the years.

First, I signed up for the resume class and loved it. While there, I checked out the Havre de Grace office of SWN and thought this would be a cool place to work. I saw that an associate was open but didn’t look into it any further.  This was November, I was sure I’d have a job by December 15th.

I then took the ‘how to get a federal job’ class and I took the job quest class, which assigned an employment specialist to me.  In December, I had surgery on my hand and took time off from active job hunting. I picked back up mid-January 2019. I met with my specialist (who was in the process of leaving SWN for other employment); I asked her if I should apply for the associate job that was still open. She said yes and would push my resume through to the necessary person.

Fast forward to mid-February and Linda from SWN calls me. She said that the associate job has been filled but would I be interested in a support position at the Wage Connection? I said that I would. I interviewed with Linda & my future supervisor Wanda. Though I was initially anxious, I felt comfortable around them from the onset. When that meeting was concluded, Linda said they want me to meet with the director and would call to set up a date and time. I left both interviews feeling proud of myself.  At this point, I was hungry for a job. I needed some income flow.

I started my new career on the first day of spring, March 20th. On the first day, I met with both Wanda and Ron- my new co-workers.  There is so much to learn, oh so much. But Wanda is just awesome. She is a ball of energy with a heart full of gold.  Ron is extremely talented in training and job placement.   Stay tuned as I share my new chapter with you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On the first day of Spring, 2019 I started a new career.

I can recall literally moment by moment, the time when I realized that my son was not going to go to college. In those moments, my heart broke. At that time, I realize, how tough life would be for him. How did I know? I didn’t go to college either, that’s how I knew.

I took a career counseling class at my local college when I was 19. As part of an assignment, I was to write down jobs/careers I was interested in. Then I needed to find someone doing that job and interview them about their job. I had to write down the pros and cons of that job. I had to hear the good, the bad and the ugly. One item on my list was a hairdresser. I interviewed the lady that styled my mother’s hair and came away from that experience in shock, downhearted and realizing that it was not a job for me. I recall that as the lady spoke to me, my mother would pipe in. She thought I wouldn’t want to work that hard for a career. The lady was self-employed, so she did it all. She cut, styled, washed, cleaned up, accepted payment, and did the books amongst other things. For some reason, at that time in my life, that overwhelmed me and I no longer was interested in that career.

Next up, I attended my local college and studied criminal justice. I didn’t know what I was going to do by attending but found the subject irrevocably interesting. While in this major, I learned through the instructor Mr. Terrell, that the Texas Rangers were hiring. I thought to myself, I can do that. I set out to become a Texas Ranger. My plan to was to work in a prison as a correction officer. Other than wanting to help people, I don’t know why I chose that particular profession, but I did. Unfortunately, for my ego and my heart, I learned that you had to be a particular height to be a Texas Ranger. I was barely 5 feet and I recall the instructor telling me that I would have to stand up to criminals and there’s no way a 5′ young lady would be able to do that. I don’t know that it was true. I had no resources, only my college instructor. So with that realization, I gave up any thoughts of being a correction officer anywhere.  My dream was shattered.

About a year after I started college, I got married to my high school sweetheart. I did not go back to college. He went into the U.S. Army and we moved to Texas to live for 4 years. Besides being married to the love of my life, I always wanted to travel and thought I would travel now that I was married to my soldier.  Well, that didn’t happen. My husband’s duty stations outside of TX were not quite as welcoming to having a wife.

In Texas, I took a job at a local fast food restaurant. I worked the crazy and drunk fueled customer shift – midnight to 7am. My job was to cut the fresh vegetables for food preparation.  I did not do this well as I had cuts on both hands and was thoroughly miserable. My lovely husband said I could not quit until I had another job. I am unsure why I allowed what he said to rule my life but I did. I did end up getting a job with McDonald’s in Texas. I was hired to be the early morning crew and the biscuit maker. And that’s what I did. I was approached at some point to be an assistant manager. I took that opportunity and ran with it. I was the swing assistant which meant I worked all kinds of shifts as a manager. I did this job for about 2 1/2 years and loved it.  I made wonderful friends and felt I was doing a great job for the McDonald’s franchise. I had a fantastic mentor who kept in touch for years afterward.

Fast forward to moving back to my husband’s hometown after the 4-year stint. I was determined not to go back to McDonald’s. I wanted to do something different. I remember specifically that my husband wanted me to get a job as a McDonald’s manager. I don’t recall why I fought him so hard, but I knew for myself, I needed to get out of my comfort zone and that’s what I did. I wanted to try to get employment with the local government offices but was dissuaded from doing that as well by my mother in law who worked there. At the time, I was advised that it wasn’t a reliable source of income. I applied at my local credit union and started my new life as a teller.

Since I did not get a college degree, in my mind, I did really well in my APGFCU career.  I started as a teller and ended 31 years later in the Information Technology department. Everything I knew I learned through my experiences in that organization. My favorite part of my job is helping people. I had the most joy in organizing, planning and mentoring.

I should have left the Credit Union about 10 years ago but because I was surviving with the money I was making, that was hard to give up. At 31 years I had had enough. I was ready to move on, I grabbed my pension and was determined to thrive in my life. Stay tuned for my new adventure.

They say that as a writer, you’ll be rejected a lot. I think I am prepared for that rejection. I’ve applied for over 60+ jobs since September 2018. Yes, it hurts to not get a response or an interview.

It hurts over and over again. But I keep trying. Perhaps my ship won’t come in, maybe I need to go get the job of my dreams. I have some leads. Wish me luck.

Years ago, I made it a goal to leave my workplace I had known for the last 30 years.  It was a tough decision but I felt my mental & physical health was at stake and I needed to go. I chose retirement. I figured between my pension and a new job, I’d be alright. So for the month of October 2018, my retirement was celebrated with work friends. It was a grand party with a spectacular send-off to my journey into unchartered territories.

I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with my time after I left but assumed I’d readily find work.  Those who love me kept saying, something would come along. I thought I would cook more, clean more, write, read lots of books. Unfortunately, the glamorous life of cooking and cleaning dimmed within a month. My life became a routine of working out in the morning, applying for jobs afterward and going to the grocery store.

We couldn’t afford much, I was trying desperately to hold onto what savings we had. My back up plan was to hit the 401k. I knew I could access the 401k without a penalty but would be taxed remarkably. So we held off and our savings dwindled. We only bought the necessities. The grocery store became my new Dress Barn.

Traveling to fun destinations was not possible so I was extra grateful I traveled right after my retirement to Florida to see my Aunt Irene. I reminisced those days. The sun, the warmth, oh how I missed it as I looked out the windows to see brown grass, and an occasional wet or snowy day. Maryland weather was depressing but oh how I enjoyed wearing my boots and scarves.

Right before I left work for good, I met a new friend, Monica. She asked what I’d be doing after retirement. I said I wasn’t sure, but would write a novel and find another job to supplement the finances. She said well, you should check out Susquehanna Workforce Network. She said I’d be able to take some assessment tests to possibly determine my destiny. So I visited and was thrilled by what I saw. They had workshops on resume assistance, job hunting help and could help me sharpen my interviewing skills.  I thought to myself, why doesn’t everyone know about this wonderful resource?  The assessments said I was a mentor/planner and that didn’t surprise me. I couldn’t wait to see what my next chapter would be. Finding my passion was my mission.

Sometimes in life, you make a choice that you regret. And sometimes in life, a choice is made for you. Many years ago, I was misdiagnosed with a disease I did not have. With the misdiagnosis, I made a decision that I regret. At the time though, it was the right decision. Only years later did I learn the truth about the misdiagnosis.

During this time, I felt lost. I felt alone. I felt like no one else could ever understand why I am the way I am. I felt unloved. My marriage suffered.

The one sunshine in my life was my son. My beautiful young son kept me going. He was the reason I got up every day. He was the reason I did what I had to do to get through the day. He was my reason to smile.

Many years later in 2010, I was baptized at Mountain Christian Church. It was a fantastic feeling to know I belonged there. I felt loved. I felt renewed. I felt my sin wash away. I forgave myself.

Forgiveness is the gift that keeps on giving. If you are lost, you can be found once again.

 

Turn signals on a vehicle are used to visually share your intention with other drivers, pedestrians, etc.

How do we get a turn signal for our own intention in our life to achieve our dreams, goals or passions?

As I looked at the flashing turn signal across the road, I realized that I know what that person wants to do.  As for me, I am sitting here, rudderless in a deep sea. I am barely holding my own. I don’t want to just survive. I want to thrive.

Go left. Go right. Go forward. Do something.

 

 

In August of 1979, I was a 16-year-old girl catching a ride with my friend, Barbie and her family in their family RV, headed straight for Ocean City, MD. Though I had lived in MD all my life, I’d never been to the beach. Yes, you read that right, I had not been to the beach before. I guess it was not something on my parent’s radar, we just never went. I can only recall going to the North Carolina mountains each year and to Florida once.

Anyway, this particular trip was our final summer fling before junior year in high school. Once we arrived, Barbie & I headed out to check out our surroundings. At dusk, Barbie and I were walking along the OC Coastal Highway.  Yes, we were hollered and whistled at while strolling along on the sidewalk like the cool teen goddesses we thought we were.

 

Barbie & I noticed a yellow Ford Pinto that kept driving and looping around the coastal highway strip. We’d see them, they’d turn around and came by quite often.  They were cruising, cruising for girls, I suppose. We played them off, acted like we didn’t see them, but we did.  We also saw a van full of rowdy old guys came by a few times too. Unfortunately, these guys stopped the van, got out of the van and started running after us. Barbie and I ran and hid anywhere we could find.  I remember hiding under a car. We got lucky. After not finding us, they gave up and drove away. So when the cute boys in the yellow pinto came by again, we waved back and hopped in their car. We thought, well, they are our age, how harmful can they be?

Let me preface this with I was not ‘allowed’ to date until I was 16.  I had just turned 16 in July but I had had boyfriends before. I just couldn’t go anywhere in a car alone with them. At this point, I had been broken up with Brian, my quarterback boyfriend from high school for some time. So I wasn’t looking for a new guy, but fate was with us this day.

So in the car, Barbie was in front with a boy named Jimmy (who was driving) and I was in the back with a boy name Leonard. Not sure why us girls didn’t hop in the back, I am not sure if that was an option. We immediately felt safe with these guys though.  We went to one of the condo beaches and walked along the beach. Before you think that’s romantic, Leonard thought it would be fun to pick me up, toss me around and I ended up in the surf. Not cool. I couldn’t swim. It was pitch dark. I was not impressed. In addition, in the car, he grabbed my boob and I slapped him.  Things were apparently not any better with Jimmy & Barbie, they weren’t hitting it off. We determined that these were just hormonal lusting young boys. Leonard was 15, soon to be 16.  We asked to go home. But we didn’t let them know where we were staying, so they dropped us off nearby and we walked back to the RV.

While cruising back in their car, to our RV, we had conversations. Leonard learned my name and that I went to Edgewood.  I learned he went to Aberdeen. We lived about 7 miles apart. We were both entering our junior year. He asked me to meet him the next day on 67th street. I said ok, knowing I wasn’t going to be able to do this.

The next day, I watched as I saw that he was right where he said he’d be, as we drove by in the RV. Barbie and I giggled that we had basically ditched these guys.  Unfortunately, her Dad was not going to let me go meet a strange new boy. So, Barbie & I and her family continued our sunny paradise of a vacation. We were staying until Labor Day.

I got home Labor Day weekend and prepared to get ready to go back to school. My Mom said a boy had called and asked for me. She told him I was not home and was at the beach. When I heard from Leonard, he said he had called every “Cornell” (my maiden name) in the C&P telephone book until he found my phone number. Leonard told me he knew then he had the right number. There weren’t many of us in the book but my Dad’s name (William) made us the last one. That made me smile.

As I explained to my parents who this boy was and why he was coming to see me, my Dad asked if he was a long-haired hippie. I said no but he did have long hair (it was to his shoulder).  To which my Dad said, he best keep his hair clean. Dad was super cautious with any boys coming around for his daughters.

Leonard  & I chatted on the phone for about a week. I realized that he was super cute and seemed to be all googly-eyed over me. So I asked him to go steady. Yes, that’s what we did back then. By September 7th, we were boyfriend/girlfriend. And he didn’t turn 16 until September 15th.  The September 7, 1979 date will live on forever as the day we started going steady. He worked for the town of Aberdeen as a helper. On weekends, he’d get a ride to my house. It was a sweet, slow moving and cherished romance. He was very kind to me. And so handsome. I was in love. Teenager angsty love. ♥

 

03/03/2019

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Originally published 01/19/2014)

What you don’t know about me? Let’s see…..

— I love speed! I love to drive fast in my car & on my motorcycle. I didn’t get the nickname “Ledfoot Louie” for nothing.

— I went skydiving in 2011 and loved it! I would do it again.

— In 2012, I traveled on the back of my husband’s motorcycle across the USA from MD to CA & back to MD. It was the best road trip ever! It was 8,000+ miles.

— In 2013, my Mom and I travel to Oahu and Kauai & stayed with my cousin. We traveled the entire Kauai island by car using an off the beaten path travel book. Both places are gorgeous and I would love to live there!

— My first cruise was in 2010 for 9 days in the Caribbean to Puerto Rico, Haiti, St Thomas & the Dominican Republic.

— Parasailed in St Thomas.

— Zip lined in Haiti in the longest zip line over water (Dragon’s Breath Flight Line).

— I love to travel. I am planning a trip to Alaska. Brrrrr.

— I am a beach person. I could and have stayed on the beach all day for days.

— Celebrity gossip is my guilty pleasure.

— I love to read books on my Kindle.  My genre is historical romance, romance, and biographical novels.

— I never leave home without my iPhone or my iPod. My Kindle travels with me on extended trips also.

— I am addicted to House Hunters on HGTV. I could and have watched it for hours—another guilty pleasure!

— I want to write a novel.  Still deciding if it will be biographical with bits and pieces of my life. I aspire to be.

— I absolutely do not enjoy shopping. I am a go in, get what I need and leave the store type of person.

— I do love to window shop in historical places and I enjoy picking up unique tokens from my travels.

— One of the most beautiful beaches I have ever been on was Magen’s Bay in St Thomas VI. I went there alone by bus from the cruise ship. It was peaceful and gorgeous.

— I met my future husband at age 16 in Ocean City, MD.

— I lived in Texas for 4 years with my military husband. I love Texas.

— My husband & I have been married for 30 years.

— My greatest gift is my son. He is the light of my life and the heartbeat that keeps me in check.

— I work in IT even though I despised anything computer related in high school. I had a ‘D’ in Data Processing.

— My curiosity got me my job in IT.  I was always curious about gadgets, software & computer related. I was the ‘fixer’.

(Originally published 02/04/2012)

The road ahead is looking mighty interesting!

My son, Daniel, turned 21 today. I am extremely proud of the man he has become. He IS an amazing person! I cherish all my memories from infancies until today. Time has flown by!

This year promises lots of adventures, changes is attitude and growing in my faith.

Unfortunately, this past week had been horrendous. I was full of fear, doubt, and worry. Ugh.

And then I wondered why am I feeling all this fear, doubt and worry. Suddenly and surprisingly a beautiful song popped in my head “Lose My Soul”. I knew I did not want to gain the whole world, just to lose my soul. I decided to finally turn it over to God. I know that people say that (as I have done) but don’t really do it. I actually did it and I am a better person because of it. I’ve decided to accept the coming changes in my work with gratitude. I am grateful to have a job that yes, is going to change, but I still love those that I work with and I enjoy my line of work.

My dream is to retire @55 and that is something I am still looking forward to. For now, though, I have so much I want to do …..I want to mentor other women riders and I want to go on a mission trip with my church. But I am not at the confidence level I need to be at to full mentor and I am still early in my journey of faith that I am not yet ready for a mission trip. This will change though as I build my confidence and grow in my faith. Life is a joy! I genuinely feel extremely blessed!  See, turning your worry, fear and doubt truly does change your attitude and raises your altitude.