In May, as I complained to our family doctor about my husband’s supposed ailments, Dr. Knight decided to send both of us to a cardiologist to rule out any issues. He sent me due to family history and of course the unknown. My husband went first and comes back with no problems. I delayed my appointments because I didn’t think anything was wrong with me and I looked at it as an inconvenience.
My first appointment was the echo and stress test and though my blood pressure was high during the stress test, it was otherwise not too concerning. A week later I was sent for an ultrasound on my carotid arteries. Honestly, I had never even heard of these types of tests. The ultrasound process looks and feels very much like the old school sonogram I had when I was pregnant back in the day. The date was June 23rd, 2021. The technician and I chit chatted a bit but then she got to the business of checking the carotids. As I laid on the table, she looked at me and then she stared at the screen, and she said to me “I need to get the doctor” and she looked concerned. She promptly left the room. To get the cardiologist.
Dr. Tabrizchi comes into the room, looks at the screen and looks straight at me and says “today is your lucky day and that you have angel looking out for you”. I continue to lie there, confused asking myself what is happening? He said I have a blockage in both arteries but my left artery was considerable and need to be seen by a vascular surgeon right away. I didn’t even know what questions to ask. I was dumbfounded. What? Me? I was feeling all kinds of things and nothing at all at the same time.
He gets on his cell phone and calls the vascular surgeon friend at UMD. He talks to him on his phone & they decide I’ll be seen at his office the next day. Before I get up from the table, I have a voicemail from said doctor’s office asking me to call to schedule an appointment the next day. I am like what? What is happening? I left the cardiologist office and I am numb. I literally feel like I am having an out of body experience.
I called the office and made the appointment @UMD. I call my soul sister Grace & she agrees to take me to the appointment into the city, the next day. At this point, I am starting to pray it is nothing serious. Meanwhile, my other soul sister (Jo) just happens to be in town and she joins us too.
I met Dr. Sarkar on June 24, 2021. He came across as personable, warm and funny. At the same time, he educated all of us and laid down the options for my carotid problem and it pointed to surgery (carotid endarterectomy). I liked that he came physically close to me to comfort. My thoughts on whatever he was saying was what, how, why. He said there are ranges of blockages and my left carotid was the worst of the two. He said 99% and I am pretty sure I mentally, emotionally, and physically shut down at that point. I asked few questions as I sat there half numb and half tuning him out. I was in shock. Fortunately, Grace & Jo asked questions. All I could think is that I was going to die.
There were 20 days between that visit and the surgery date. They were, for me, the most agonizing. I felt like a ticking time bomb. I refused to leave the house alone and the ‘end of life’ fear consumed me. I started writing letters to loved ones. The following Saturday, I broke down– not a why me but why did I have to find out- I didn’t really want to know. Leonard held me as I cried out. As Leonard held me, he said thank God you found out, they’re gonna fix it. Though my head said yes it will be fixed, my heart said I am going to die.
About a week before surgery, I left the house for the first time alone and I tried to stay optimistic. I prayed a lot. I learned that I was ‘all great’ if I was in charge and I could help & pray for others, but the thought of asking for love, prayers and help for myself was a really, really hard thing for me to do. And then I did ask for help, for prayers. I truly thought I was going to die. I had done the research, I read a lot about the procedure. Heck I didn’t think I’d survive the anesthesia and I knew what could happen.
During pre op testing, my family doctor prescribed Xanax as a way to help me sleep. The day before surgery, I took the Xanax for the first time and I had a dream about my Dad. My Dad has been gone for 12 years and I didn’t ever dream of him before. In that dream, my Dad handed me a carton of a dozen brown eggs. I don’t usually remember dreams or recall colors but this was clear. My Dad said “I love you honey”. While still dreaming, I said out loud, I love you too Dad and I woke up. Later that afternoon, a dear friend showed up at my home with dinner. And a dozen brown eggs (as my friend handed them to me, she said, I didn’t know if you needed eggs but something told me to go into the house & grab a dozen….) At that moment, I felt at peace and that I was going to be ok. Go ahead, look up that dream meaning.
I was the first procedure @7:15 am for Dr. Sarkar @UMD on July 14th. At this point, I had a lot of prayer warriors and personally, I had turned my anxieties (which were through the roof) and worries over to God. I was ready to get on with it. General anesthesia and intubation is scary and I prayed for wisdom & strength for all the medical professionals caring for me in my time of need. I went in around 7:15 am and the surgery ended around noon.
I woke up shortly after to headaches & nausea. The headaches are something that can happen with this surgery so I knew that. The nausea was an unwanted surprise. I stayed in the PACU (Post Anesthesia Care Unit) for the entire visit @UMD. I was told there were no rooms available in the hospital. My blood pressure was out of whack and I had to listen to the busyness of the floor as people to the left and right of me came out of surgery, woke up and vomited. I needed peace & quiet. My care on that floor, in light of the madness, was top notch. It was expected that I would leave the next day. I learned that my surgery was success and the artery was indeed blocked (plague). As the surgeon said to me, “we had no idea how any blood was getting through”. I felt immense gratefulness for this surgery.
I went home to recover and to schedule the next surgery for 6 weeks later. And the beat goes on……
Life Or Something Like It 