Frienemies

Frienemies. Yes, I have one. I probably have several, but I am consciously aware of one. And that one hurt me deeply.

I thought this person was my friend, my encourager,  my ride or die, my cheerleader. I thought they would defend me. And then I was vulnerable and shared something deeply personal about events that were happening in my life. Her response was painfully unexpected. I left her home like a wounded warrior, in shock. I wondered what the hell just happened? I knew then that our friendship was forever changed. And it’s never been the same since. Yet I still hung on, hoping that we’d get back on track or somehow we’d be redeemed.

There were days when I thought we were headed back to rainbows and sunshine. But that was just a valiant attempt at the deep-rooted connection we no longer shared. I was sad about it, I still am. Fast forward 3 years later and it’s actually uncomfortable and so awkward when we do attempt to connect.

I realize that frienemy is quite harsh. Perhaps we grew apart. Certainly that could be it, but I doubt it. One or both of us have changed. I am a forgiving person and she isn’t or she doesn’t appear to be. Somewhere along the road, she became better than anyone else. Her reading this post will certainly not forge a new bond.

I’ve not had a friend I was that close to treating me this way. I suppose that makes me blessed. I am of the age where I want no drama, and I need people that love and enjoy me and want to be around me. So, I lost a friend and it hurt. But I am still here, moving on.